My Sun Is A Sure Thing

I’m contemplating if it’s better to skip the intro where I say to you that “life has been happening” because who hasn’t life been happening for… you’d have to be dead for life not to happen to you.

*cheese

I started blogging with my article about yoga practices and funny enough, I didn’t last a week practicing yoga. Eventually, time passes and I feel the sense to be a sort of aid to the people who read my post. At some point, I battled depression silently and alone, and I never wanted anyone to experience such. Who the actual fuck did I even think I was, trying to be everyone’s shoulder to cry on.

*it was exhausting

See, then, a part of me felt that I’d come to completion about who I was but Aha! I was wrong. That personality was rooted in something honest but I was long overdue for a change, I just kept rejecting it because who am I without this?

*Plus I felt like I was disappointing the voice in my head if I gave up on what I had invested so much of my time & money into.

I’m at the point where all my focus is on me and every part of me is in someplace that helps me figure out who I want to be. I heard somewhere that you don’t hate a thing till you try it. So that’s what I’m doing, I’m trying everything that interests me.

What’s most obvious to me is that I don’t want to care so much about other people’s emotional states. I can’t seem to remove myself from another person’s emotions on command so I carry baggage that’s not even mine.

*what a drag

If you found comfort in my post because it felt like your emotions are welcome here. Sorry babes but that’s over … I’ve changed. This here is my avenue to release, form, and unearth me, this has nothing to do with you … okay?

*cool

I found that I have no idea how to get myself to my dream. For someone who feels safer in control that’s practically hell. Still, I’m learning to adopt this view anyway (I’m like 60% there)… “anything that happens, happens for my good, always. Because God is so in love with me”

The other day I was running mad ( you think it’s a joke), and I was soliloquizing. My emotions ranged from anger, confidence, despair, and faith. I was on a roll that day. Saying things like “it’s a lie , you’re a liar”. This started because I realized my life seemed like I was in a pitch-black room (tunnel vision not bird’s eye view)

*I hate darkness, it’s not cute

It was at a making point in disguise. God placed all the cards so my victory is absolute. There’s no way I can fail. I have the days that make me feel less confident but I’ve overcome so many days, now when shit is happening I just see it as an opponent’s move (like “wawu, you’re trying to one up me ay, bad guy. And you thought it’ll work. You’re sha trying”) and my opportunity to get better & I do.

Baby, it gets hard and some days it’s just mundane and bland. God never said life would be easy so I don’t expect a bed of roses but I expect…or better still, I do my very best to remember that God is my light, my sun, my moon, I know I get weak but I know God is in love with me & he fights to the death for me. My sun is a sure thing , You don’t even get to understand the depths at which I’m loved by God.

*Industry get caucus but destiny has no competition